Okay, I can't speak for the other "Cougars" out there, but whoever tried to glamorize dating in your forties lied to themselves and the rest of the world.  At the tender age of 41, each day I'm finding it more & more difficult to take a chance on love.  Honestly, I think it's a combination of myself and past experiences with men, to the selection of available men that are out there. 

Since becoming an elite member of the divorcee club the emotional abuse from my ex hasn't stopped. When an opportunity presents itself he'll remind me that in his eyes I'm still a "stupid fuck," whose trying to be popular because I wrote a few books.  After reading some of his hurtful comments (we don't talk via phone, only communication is via text) it's hard to pick up the pieces and give another man a chance.  But I have....only to be disappointed over and over again.  One of my best friends, Adrienne thinks that the guys I go out with see me as a free therapist.  And she's right.  Even though I'm going out trying to have a good time they see me as the counselor and thus the blabbering about how they are still in love with their ex-wife or baby mama and secretly hoping that she'll take them back begins (yes ladies, most of your ex's are still madly in love with you despite all the negative crap they say about you).  The other extreme is that I encounter a ton of guys who will shamelessly flirt with me, but never get to the "hey, what are you doing Saturday night?  Want to go out?" and actually follow through with a date.  Sorry, but I'm old fashion, I like to go out and have fun, not sit around and have a text conversation with you all day.  And then there are the very special guys , the one's who have read Sideline Ho and get the brilliant idea that it's my life story and ASSume that a quickie is in order or the extreme notion that I'll willingly be girlfriend #2! 

No, I haven't had "great' experiences when it comes to men.  But as I get older and it feels more like I am trying to find a needle in a haystack when it comes to dating, for some crazy reason I still haven't given up on "true, unconditional love."  I think what has changed is that 20 years ago I would have dated these same men & stayed in a relationship with them hoping that they would change or that I could miraculously make them fall out of love with their ex's. 15 years ago I would have dated them because I was afraid of spending the rest of my life alone and unloved, but now...SMH...I know better so therefore I try to choose better when it comes to giving my heart away.  No, I'm not getting any younger, but that doesn't mean I have to rush into a relationship for the sake of "having a man."  These days I'm not trying to change anyone.  Instead, I'm accepting all men just as they present themselves.  Like Maya Angelou once said "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." 

These days my focus is on enjoying the rest of my life.  If "true & unconditional" love comes my way in this lifetime that will be awesome, but if not...I've loved enough men and endured enough heartbreaks that I'll be okay leaving this world knowing that the greatest love of all was right inside of me and that I loved myself enough not to settle for less ever again.