To be or not to be...that is the question when it comes to celibacy with a lot of single people these days.  Their reasons vary, but for me it came after one horrible (and I do mean horrible) sexual experience that lasted all of 1 minute!  I remember sitting up and thinking to myself, "are you kidding me?!"  I felt used as he gloated that he'd never been with a best selling author.  All I could do was shake my head.  What was suppose to have been something special had instead become a bitter moment.  I walked away from the experience and vowed to myself and God that I wasn't having sex with another man until He sent me my partner for life.  That was 2 months ago...

These days I've went on a few dates and as I've confided in some of my closes friends, I now find myself looking at guys differently.  I look at their actions in addition to what they are saying.  Most aren't making it past a few phone calls and date #1.  Sadly, most aren't saying anything worth listening too and their actions...from inconsistent phone calls to wanting to have any entire conversation via text to no table manners to standing me up completely, I'm learning more about myself and what I REALLY want in a man.  I asked one of my dates what traits did his ideal mate have and he rattled off nearly 50 qualities.  He wanted the perfect woman and once upon a time I had that same list and wanted a perfect man too.  Today my list is simple...a man who respects me, who loves me and my children unconditionally, someone who is reliable, honest, is happy with himself and where he is in life and has a good relationship with God. 

My choice to practice celibacy has helped me to realized that when I was out there having sex my emotions were being misguided and I was falling in love because of the moment and not the moments.  I was falling in love because of the love making and not that acts of love.  Michelle McKinney Hammond once stated, "a man can have any woman, but when a man wants YOU, then only YOU will do." So until that one man comes along, who's actions say that I'm the only woman for him and that he'll do whatever it takes to have me in his life forever, I'll continue to date but my cookies are off limits.