Yes, it’s been a minute since I’ve posted a blog…a lot has happened in my life during the last five months (damn, it HAS been a long time!).  Before posting my last blog in July, I had just undergone a very traumatic loss.  My manager and dear friend committed suicide the weekend of my 42nd birthday.  Even though I have a background in counseling and I’m supposed to be able to deal with emotionally stuff like this, for the first time in a long time I couldn’t even though I pretended that I could. 

Reeling from his sudden death, I felt alone as I tried to navigate the murky waters of the entertainment world.  I had already been burned by people whom I thought I could trust in the past and now I was faced with the cruel reality that the one person I trusted with my career, my muse, my manager, and most of all my friend was now gone.  It was a horrible feeling as I sat in my bed, feeling so alone as I cried myself to sleep some nights.  Lost in my emotions for the first time in my career the fame didn't matter anymore. 

Those who know me well shrieked when I told them I was taking sometime off.  I was tired of being CJ, sick of pretending that everything was okay.  I just wanted to be a normal person while mending my broken spirit and grieving the lost of my friend.  Like my mama used to always say, “everybody don’t need to be all up in yo business.”  And she was right, some things just need to be done privately.  My departure from the spotlight was swift.  In a matter of days I had ditched the 14-inch weaves, and dismissed my talented staff which consisted of my makeup artist, personal assistant and bodyguard (yes, it was that crucial at times).  I didn’t need an entourage I needed my close family and my true friends and time to reconnect with the woman I used to be before the fame set in.  

These past few months have not only allowed me to regroup emotionally, but they have also given me the opportunity to try some new things.  In August I returned to my Alma Mater as a professor. I won’t say it’s been a walk in the park, but I will say that this adventure has allowed me to use everything that I’ve ever learned in the entertainment industry to give back to the institution that believed in me first.  The ultimate measure of the success of my healing process was witnessing 13 of my students receiving their degrees.  No amount of stardom could have ever given me the feelings of success and accomplishment that I felt while watching them.  For the first time in a few months I felt the presence of my manager and friend watching over me and I could hear him saying, “Now that’s how you do it!”  

I don’t think I’ll ever return to the spotlight, well at least not like you guys will remember me.  Honestly, it’s a bunch of hype that doesn’t amount to anything once you’re gone.  But I’ll always remember the experiences, both the good, the bad and the lessons that I’ve learned along the way.    

Wishing you peace & happiness,

CJ